Happiness: Let It Take You By Surprise

 One's standards for what happiness is have a direct bearing on one's level of happiness. If we define happiness to be having our wants met, for example, then we may be setting ourselves up for a big disappointment. But if we define happiness to be having our needs met, then we may be setting ourselves up for the wonderful feeling of happiness.

In order to find happiness, it is important that we do not scale up our desires so high that there is little likelihood of achieving them. Realistic desires are healthier for us, and will lay a foundation for our attaining happiness. Our expectations for our lives can become unrealistic. Then when what we expect does not transpire, we have set ourselves up for disappointment and unhappiness. It is best to scale back our expectations so they are in line with reality, in order for us to find happiness. There is a saying, "Happiness is the absence of misery." If our needs are met, we should not feel misery, and should then be open to feeling happiness, rather than predicating our happiness on wants which may never transpire.

Counsciously seeking happiness can actually have a countereffect, reducing our sense of happiness. Actively seeking happiness puts a pressure on us, to be happy and to be happy all the time. We begin to question how we are feeling at any given time, instead of just going with the flow. The more we are able to relax and not worry about being happy, the more likely it is that happiness will creep up on us.

When we seek happiness, we create a definition of happiness in our minds. But happiness is an intangible thing, difficult to define. So how can we seek something that is difficult to define in the first place? Happiness can come our way in a manner we would have never imagined. Happiness can find us in unexpected ways.

Being open to receiving happiness is a good thing. Looking for the happiness lurking in our day-to-day existence is also a good thing. These help happiness to find us. But seeking happiness by a particular method that we plot can backfire, creating stress and pressure. So forget about trying to be happy. Let happiness creep up on you, in ways you might not expect. Let it take you by surprise.

Expecting to be happy all the time is unrealistic. Life is like a roller coaster, with highs and lows. We all feel down sometimes. By having the expectation to always feel happy, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. We thereby make it more likely that we will not be happy, ironically. Feeling happy all the time is simply an unrealistic standard that we cannot live up to. Life is full of challenges, hurdles and disappointments. We will no doubt at times feel unhappy. This is normal. It is a part of being human.

So do not put undue pressure on yourself with the goal of always being happy. An unrealistic goal like that is a breeding ground for disappointment and unhappiness. Instead, think of happiness as something that will come to you when it is ready. And just be on the lookout for it.

Thinking about the different things that make us feel happy is a good reminder for us and helps us to recognize happiness when it is upon us. Happiness comes in different forms. It could be having a relaxed afternoon, or feeling a sense of peace of mind that comprises happiness for us. Happiness is a complex feeling. It does not mean that we are necessarily smiling and laughing when we are happy. Sometimes our happiness can fly under the radar, and we are not even consciously aware that we are happy. That is why tallying up happy times can be misleading. The more obvious happy moments will jump out at us, but the times of more subtle happiness will not. It is important when we consider our state of happiness to recognize those happy moments that are not as obvious to us.

It is important that we practice gratitude in order to feel happiness. Happiness can be fleeting, so we should appreciate it when it is there. We also should appreciate the little things in our lives that are good. Being appreciative opens ourselves up to feeling more happiness. Expanding our sense of gratitude can come from simply taking time in our day to think about those things we are grateful for. Keeping a journal and writing down what we are grateful for is also helpful for inspiring our gratitude to grow.

Happiness is unique to each individual. Just as when purchasing a car, you would not necessarily pick the same one as someone else would, so it is with happiness. You would not be expected to pick the same set of circumstances to make you happy as someone else would. There is a wide spectrum of what can make an individual feel good, and so there are many avenues to happiness. That is why being open to new channels to happiness is beneficial. You can do this by being open to new activities and experiences. You never know which ones will bring you greater happiness. Being open to experiencing nature to the fullest, for example, can bring feelings of happiness. Enjoying the sunrise, a bird chirping, or a beautiful flower can bring us moments of happiness.

Happiness is a complex thing. Chasing it can cause it to run away, like a puppy. But relaxing and letting happiness evolve in our daily lives creates a welcoming atmosphere for finding happiness. We are not stressing over it, but are making sure to be open and welcoming of it. This is how we can spur our happiness to grow.

Understanding and Dealing with Envy

Being consumed with envy is not a pleasant way to be. The feeling of envy can come out and grab one, and at the most inopportune time, like when you are struggling with something in your life or dealing with a failure. But what can one do about envy? Can envy be eradicated from your life? Well, maybe not eradicated, but it can be minimally present.

Learning to deal with feelings of envy and to minimize them is important. Envy is not a feeling that buoys up one's inner happiness. In fact, feeling envious can lead to one feeling downright unhappy.

But what can one do about that uncomfortable feeling, that affects all of us at some time or another--envy? Read on to find some healthy ways to deal with the "green-eyed monster."

The first step in dealing with envy is to recognize and admit to oneself that one is feeling envy. Envy can be insidious. We can be full of envy but if we never confront our feelings of envy, they can fester under the radar. It is better to confront the feeling, to pull the envy into the light and dissect it.

One cannot reduce or eliminate one's envy if one does not understand it fully. And that includes trying to understand the root causes of it. For example, I may be envious of a friend who goes on a tropical vacation when I cannot afford to. Part of the root of that envy is my belief that a tropical vacation would be something important for me and beneficial. But is it really important that I go on a tropical vacation? Advertisements are there to entice buyers, and the theme they show regarding tropical vacations is that they are fun and relaxing. But isn't there another way I can have fun and relax, perhaps even one that I do not regularly see advertisements about? For example, taking extra time to visit with a relative could be an alternate source of fun and relaxation for me.

It is important to recognize that feeling envious at times is normal. It is an emotion that at times creeps into everybody's mind. Feeling envious is nothing to be ashamed of. It happens. But envy is not a pleasant emotion. And if one allows themselves to be consumed by envy, it becomes an unhealthy situation.

One way to move away from feeling envious is to focus on not comparing yourself to others. We each have our own lives with our own set of unique circumstances. Comparing oneself to others is like comparing apples to oranges. You are unique. The set of life circumstances and particular challenges you face are unique to you. So comparing yourself to others is just not a fair comparison. If you wish to compare, then compare yourself to yourself in the past. This is a comparison that can help to motivate and create better understanding of one's present. It is not an inherently unfair comparison, as comparing yourself to others is.

It is a good idea in your quest to free yourself from envy to try to replace envious feelings with feelings of gratitude. Whenever the "green-eyed monster" starts to rear its ugly head, think instead about something that you are grateful for. First you will need to catch yourself feeling feelings of envy. You need to recognize that too much envy is not a good thing for your psyche. Then you need to take action to fight these feelings of envy. The action is to immediately think about something that you are grateful for. Over time, this replacement technique should help you to move past your feelings of envy and get to a healthier psychological place.

Ironically, some feelings of envy can be beneficial. Envy can tap into one's competitive nature and spur one on with increased motivation. When we compare ourselves to others, their situation can serve as a goal for us to try to attain. That competitive fire that is unleashed can be a good thing. Motivation is crucial to being able to attain a goal. The problem becomes if the envy becomes too much and causes us to feel bad about ourselves.

Practicing acceptance helps one to minimize their feelings of envy. Life throws challenges our way. That is how life is. It is better to accept that challenges are a part of life, rather than expending one's energy bemoaning that fact. Acceptance of life as it is helps us to find a sense of inner peace. That inner peace acts as a buffer from feelings of envy. If we are at peace with ourselves and our lives, why would we get caught up in envious feelings? Acceptance of reality confers a healthy state of mind on us. So try your best to practice acceptance, and see your envy melt away.

Conclusion:

Envy is a powerful emotion. We all feel envy from time to time. And that is okay. It is a normal part of our existence. Envy can even spur us on to improving our own situation by lighting a competitive fire within us that can motivate us to go after our goals. It is when envy becomes uncomfortable for us and/or consuming that it becomes a problem. It can lead us to feeling bad about ourselves and even sad.

It is important to know how to deal with our feelings of envy, and also how to avoid feeling envious in the first place. Having this skill will prevent an envious feeling from ruining your day. Recognizing feelings of envy and understanding where the envy is coming from is a good first step to dealing with your envy.

Knowing that feeling envious is a normal condition helps to reduce the stress of it. Learning to stop comparing oneself to others is an important way to curb feelings of envy. Practicing replacing feelings of envy with gratitude can make us immune to envy when the "green-eyed monster" strikes.

Channeling our envy to action that betters ourselves is a positive way to deal with envy. Nurturing a feeling of acceptance of life helps us to steer away from envious feelings as well.

Envy does not have to make you feel down. When understood and dealt with, envy is a feeling that does not have to ruin your day and in fact can be a motivator. So follow these tips to dealing with envy and you will develop a healthier relationship with those envious feelings that we all get from time to time.