One's standards for what happiness is have a direct bearing on one's level of happiness. If we define happiness to be having our wants met, for example, then we may be setting ourselves up for a big disappointment. But if we define happiness to be having our needs met, then we may be setting ourselves up for the wonderful feeling of happiness.
In order to find happiness, it is important that we do not scale up our desires so high that there is little likelihood of achieving them. Realistic desires are healthier for us, and will lay a foundation for our attaining happiness. Our expectations for our lives can become unrealistic. Then when what we expect does not transpire, we have set ourselves up for disappointment and unhappiness. It is best to scale back our expectations so they are in line with reality, in order for us to find happiness. There is a saying, "Happiness is the absence of misery." If our needs are met, we should not feel misery, and should then be open to feeling happiness, rather than predicating our happiness on wants which may never transpire.
Counsciously seeking happiness can actually have a countereffect, reducing our sense of happiness. Actively seeking happiness puts a pressure on us, to be happy and to be happy all the time. We begin to question how we are feeling at any given time, instead of just going with the flow. The more we are able to relax and not worry about being happy, the more likely it is that happiness will creep up on us.
When we seek happiness, we create a definition of happiness in our minds. But happiness is an intangible thing, difficult to define. So how can we seek something that is difficult to define in the first place? Happiness can come our way in a manner we would have never imagined. Happiness can find us in unexpected ways.
Being open to receiving happiness is a good thing. Looking for the happiness lurking in our day-to-day existence is also a good thing. These help happiness to find us. But seeking happiness by a particular method that we plot can backfire, creating stress and pressure. So forget about trying to be happy. Let happiness creep up on you, in ways you might not expect. Let it take you by surprise.
Expecting to be happy all the time is unrealistic. Life is like a roller coaster, with highs and lows. We all feel down sometimes. By having the expectation to always feel happy, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. We thereby make it more likely that we will not be happy, ironically. Feeling happy all the time is simply an unrealistic standard that we cannot live up to. Life is full of challenges, hurdles and disappointments. We will no doubt at times feel unhappy. This is normal. It is a part of being human.
So do not put undue pressure on yourself with the goal of always being happy. An unrealistic goal like that is a breeding ground for disappointment and unhappiness. Instead, think of happiness as something that will come to you when it is ready. And just be on the lookout for it.
Thinking about the different things that make us feel happy is a good reminder for us and helps us to recognize happiness when it is upon us. Happiness comes in different forms. It could be having a relaxed afternoon, or feeling a sense of peace of mind that comprises happiness for us. Happiness is a complex feeling. It does not mean that we are necessarily smiling and laughing when we are happy. Sometimes our happiness can fly under the radar, and we are not even consciously aware that we are happy. That is why tallying up happy times can be misleading. The more obvious happy moments will jump out at us, but the times of more subtle happiness will not. It is important when we consider our state of happiness to recognize those happy moments that are not as obvious to us.
It is important that we practice gratitude in order to feel happiness. Happiness can be fleeting, so we should appreciate it when it is there. We also should appreciate the little things in our lives that are good. Being appreciative opens ourselves up to feeling more happiness. Expanding our sense of gratitude can come from simply taking time in our day to think about those things we are grateful for. Keeping a journal and writing down what we are grateful for is also helpful for inspiring our gratitude to grow.
Happiness is unique to each individual. Just as when purchasing a car, you would not necessarily pick the same one as someone else would, so it is with happiness. You would not be expected to pick the same set of circumstances to make you happy as someone else would. There is a wide spectrum of what can make an individual feel good, and so there are many avenues to happiness. That is why being open to new channels to happiness is beneficial. You can do this by being open to new activities and experiences. You never know which ones will bring you greater happiness. Being open to experiencing nature to the fullest, for example, can bring feelings of happiness. Enjoying the sunrise, a bird chirping, or a beautiful flower can bring us moments of happiness.
Happiness is a complex thing. Chasing it can cause it to run away, like a puppy. But relaxing and letting happiness evolve in our daily lives creates a welcoming atmosphere for finding happiness. We are not stressing over it, but are making sure to be open and welcoming of it. This is how we can spur our happiness to grow.
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